Tales of the Unemployed – The Bishop’s Storehouse

NOTE: This post is a little heavy on the depression and also a little judgmental. I say that not to pique your interest, but rather to warn you about how you might feel after you read this post. If you choose not to read, that’s just fine, but know that this post doesn’t really have a happy ending. One post in the future will have that happy ending, just not this one.

HERE BEGINS THE REAL POST.

It’s been two months now since I lost my job. Hard to believe, I know, but the shock of it has finally worn off, the exuberance of hope has dulled and the hard truth of reality has set in. Now, the hard truth just kind of presses on my spirit constantly, ready at any moment to simply press me into oblivion. As my dad calls it, I’ve reached “the slogging phase.” Slogging seems like an appropriate word.

Oh sure, this story will have a happy ending, where I summon the remainder of my strength and push back on the hard truth, just in time to save myself and everyone with me. But, just like in all good stories, the hero is trapped, with seemingly no way out and it appears that evil is about to triumph. That’s the stage that I’m in right now and I can tell you exactly where I hit rock bottom. That place is The Bishop’s Storehouse.

For those of you who don’t know (or who aren’t LDS) the Bishop’s Storehouse is a wonderful (and I mean that in the truest sense of the word) place where people who are down on their luck can come and get food, clothing, and other essentials, completely for free and with no obligation towards joining the church, listening to the missionaries or paying it back. It’s true Christian welfare at it’s finest and it’s available to all, regardless of religious affiliation or persuasion. It’s helped countless numbers of people and, in many ways, is the perfect example of what our Savior would do.

With all that said, I decided to take up the offer given to me by my Bishop to go to the storehouse and get whatever we needed. He wanted, genuinely, to help us and my pride, which has been beaten to a pulp, could not refuse a true offer of kindness from someone who wanted to help. So, the wheels were set in motion for our visit to the storehouse.

The way it works is that a member of the Relief Society (that’s the women’s organization of the church) comes to our house and helps fill out a food order. On the food order, there are a number of items available–everything from canned veggies to frozen meat–and you can have as much of it as you want. So, we ordered a ton of stuff, mostly canned and dry goods, to help us stretch the little money we do have left a little further. The order was approved and on Saturday, we went to the Bishop’s Storehouse.

Upon entering the Bishop’s storehouse, I was struck by how small, yet how efficient it was. It’s much like a grocery store, with about five isles of stuff, but there are no frivolous or high-end items. It’s just the essentials, and nothing else. Truth be told, that’s what it should be, but I was still amazed by the efficiency of the operation. And, at first, things were just fine. But as we made our way through the isles and I found that they didn’t have many of the things that we had put on our form, and even less variety, I started to bottom out a little. When we got to the fresh vegetables and found only onions and green peppers, my heart started to sink even more and when I saw that the frozen meat was a little dicey, I really started to freak out.

At that point, I looked up and took a good look at the people that were in the storehouse. This is when I lost it. (And here comes the judgmental part.) These people were not what you would call of high caliber. You could tell by their tattered clothes and general manner that these were people who were used to struggling. For them, a difficult lifestyle was all they had ever known, and I’m certain that many of their choices had only exacerbated their problems. For example, I remember one gentleman in a black hoodie with a lip ring who smelled of stale cigarettes and cheap beer looking directly at me. He had an odd expression on his face that seemed to betray the fact he was surprised to see someone like me there. We locked eyes for a moment and then he moved on, but at that point, I realized that, just like in the story, the wall was closing in and evil was about to triumph. So, I had a choice–I could give up and succumb to depression, or, as my facebook status says, I could try harder to spring hope from the prison of depression. I decided that I had to try the latter.

It’s Monday now, and I’ve tried to keep my spirits up over the last two days, and more specifically, I’ve tried hard to banish the thoughts of “woe is me” and “the world is out to get me” and, even worse “God is punishing me.” It’s not easy to banish these thoughts and I really wish it were as easy as casting a spell, or drawing a sword to slay a few enemies. But I think where the truth in those stories lie is in the fact that many of those demons and bad guys represent real demons in our own lives (forgive the cliche) and the reason we respond the stories (or the reason I do anyway) is because on some level, I believe I can conquer those demons. And even though everything seems bleak right now, I have no choice but to try. Besides, my mom keeps telling me that “life rewards effort” and unless I make that effort and try, of course evil will win.

Angela tells me all the time that what happened to me wasn’t my fault. No one could have seen it coming and sometimes bad things happen. The only thing we have control over is how we react. For me, I think I reacted badly and even a bit naively. Now, I’m going to try acting a little wiser and a little more positively. After all, the hero does have to win the day at some point.

Tales of the Unemployed – Lessons

Sorry for wimping out on my “every day I’m unemployed, I’ll blog about it” idea, but the truth is that shortly after I started that, I started getting lots and lots of interviews. In the last two weeks, I think I’ve been on about 15 interviews and all of them have gone very well. So well, in fact, that I have two companies that are looking at me for a job. Sadly, neither has made an offer yet (a fact I’m all too keenly aware of right now) but I’m sure one of them will pop. The real question here is when.

So, while I’m waiting to announce my new job (and who knows when that will be) I thought I’d write down the five lessons I’ve learned from being unemployed. Oh, there are more, lots more, but these five lessons in particular have been reinforced, seemingly every day, over the course of my unemployment, so I thought I’d share. Besides, it helps me keep my thoughts on the positive while we wait for offers to roll in. So, here goes, in no particular order:

1. Throughout most of my life I’ve been enamored with the entertainments of the world. I guess you could call me a “show junkie.” The latest movies, the hottest TV shows, the coolest video games, I had the information about the popular culture of the day at my fingertips. In fact, I used to read movie credits just so I could be in the know about what was going on in the industry. 

The truth is, when you’re unemployed, all that stuff goes away. Over the past several weeks, I’ve been to the grocery store a few times to pick up the essentials, and I see magazines touting the latest celebrity romances and new fangled movies and music to dazzle the eye and delight the senses and it all seems so shallow to me now. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy movies or music, or entertainment at all. I just understand what it’s purpose is and I’m not so enamored with it as I once was.

What’s replaced it? A healthy sense of what is really important in life. I know that may sound hokey, but it’s true. I find myself more concerned these days with the health of Colin and Angela’s happiness and fulfillment than in my own need to be the fount of all pop-culture knowledge. Even more than that, I’m realizing that my calling and responsibilities in the church and my relationship with God and Jesus Christ are becoming a more vital and important part of my life. Of course, I’ll never be one of those overly-pious types (it’s just not in my nature) but I am deepening my desire to focus on the eternal rather than on the here and now, and it’s made me a much more patient and broad-minded person.

2. Trials suck, but I understand now why people say they are grateful for them. For a long time in my life, I’ve often wondered how you could be grateful for a trial. After all, they’re hard to deal with, painful and can last for a very, very long time. Why would anyone be grateful for the suffering? To me, it smacked of piety gone bad and self-aggrandizement. And while that may be true for some, it’s not that way for all. If there is one thing I’ve learned about trials, is that they can be great learning experiences and that often times, something really good always comes out of a trial, both in a spiritual and a physical sense. So even though trials suck, I’ve learned now that having faith in the midst of that trial will help you learn the lessons you need to learn and give you hope that something better is just around that corner, and that’s a very comforting thought.

3. Work is not a right, it’s a privilege. This one was a bit tougher to learn. After all, I’ve paid my dues in school, it’s my right to be successful as an adult. The truth is, all that schooling I got, while valuable and absolutely necessary, failed to teach me anything about what it meant to be in the real world. I always figured that if you were well schooled and well liked, you’d never have to worry about finding a job. That, of course, proved unfounded and I’ve found myself being grateful for past jobs that I had. Additionally, when I do land my new job, I’ll be grateful for it. Not in a kiss the carpet, thank goodness kind of way, but in a more I recognize the opportunity and will do everything I can to make the most of it kind of way. In that way, I understand that it isn’t my right to work, it’s a privilege and it’s up to me to make it into something that is meaningful and fulfilling.

4. Trusting in the Lord is hard. This one is particularly sensitive to me right now since I’m still waiting on an offer and there is nothing I can do to get the offer faster or prove how much better I am than the other candidate. That’s all in the past and I have to now trust the Lord that I he presented me with the opportunity I requested, or he is going to deny me and I’m going to have to learn a few more lessons. Either way, I know that the Lord is guiding my paths for good and I’m choosing to trust that He will continue to do so.

5. Kindness is a viable commodity, especially in business. As I’ve networked with friends from school and past jobs, many have shown me a great deal of kindness and warmth. I hope that they have extended that to me because I’ve extended that to them. I’ve always tried to be gracious and gentlemanly in doing business, but I find now that genuine kindness is something that will get you into doors and keep you in people’s minds far longer than just about anything I can think of. That’s not to say you shouldn’t do your job, but by extending kindness to others, I’ll always have a reserve of kindness to come back to when I need it most.

That’s it for now, but those are a few of the lessons I’ve learned from this unemployment gig. Hopefully, it won’t last too much longer.

Tales of the Unemployed – Day 3

Resumes Sent Out: 9
Networking Phone Calls/Emails: 13
Interviews: 0
Feelings of Inadequacy: 2
Feelings of Hope: 2
Meetings: 1

I started today by meeting with an employment specialist at the LDS employment agency. She’s a nice gal and had a number of things to tell me that helped. Apparently, the church as a regular networking meeting every Monday morning at LDS Business College downtown. I will be attending that. Apparently, nearly 100 people show up every week and it’s a great way to meet people, get introduced and network like crazy.

Speaking of networking like crazy, I’ve gone through everyone I know on Linked In and Facebook and added them to my list of people. My hope is that when they come to my profile and see that I’m job hunting, they’ll get in contact with me if they know of anything. If not, that just means I get to call them later and ask (read: harrass) until I get a possible lead on a job. Networking isn’t pretty (it feels a lot like cold calling) but it’s something that has to be done. And that’s tough for me because I hate cold calling. Ah, well. No time like the present to get over one’s fears.

One of the good things about being unemployed is you can ask for recommendations from old colleagues. Assuming they give you a good one, the recommendations are a nice little ego trip and a reminder that you’re not completely incompetent. After all, being unemployed means a certain level of self-deprecation, and the recommendations help to mitigate the feeling.

If you’d like, you can read a few of my recommendations online at my Linked In profile. Of course, you’ll have to click on the button marked “View Full Profile” to read the recommendations, but it’s not too hard to find.

On a more personal note, I find that being unemployed gives me a great deal of time for self-reflection and evaluation. I try not to let it overwhelm me (if I did, heaven knows how far down the self-deprecating road I could go) but I am trying to, as my dad says, learn a few lessons. Here is one I’ve learned so far.

Since I’ve never been unemployed before in my life, I’ve had time to evaluate what really matters. I find myself clinging to my wife, my son and my family in ways that I never thought I would have to. While I know that probably seems obvious to some, I’ve never been one to rely on others for this level of support. I’ve always been happy to give support to friends and family, but I hate asking for help. I always feel a little weaker and a little less self-sufficient if I have to. What I’m finding is that I should rely on my family and friends in every aspect of my life, just like they rely on me. In that way, I’m more engaged with their lives and they more with me. The lesson I’ve learned here is that, essentially, no man is an island, no matter how stubbornly they cling to being one.

Hopefully, things will start to pick up here soon for interviews. Heaven knows they have to soon.

See you tomorrow!

Tales of the Unemployed – Day 2

Resumes Sent Out: 11
Networking Phone Calls/Emails: 8
Interviews: 0
Feelings of Inadequacy: 2
Feelings of Hope: 4
Suits Bought: 2

Today was better than yesterday. I think that’s because my expectations for today were a great deal more reasonable than yesterday. See, yesterday, I sat down at the computer expecting to get a glut of emails and phone calls from people about possible opportunities. Sadly, that never materialized and instead I was left with the silence of my own mind. Sometimes, that can be a bad thing. But today, I didn’t have those expectations. Instead, when I sat down at the computer, I accomplished the tasks I wanted to, looked for more opportunities, and essentially, did more grunt work. It was pretty or glamorous, but it is something that needs to be done.

Since I’ve started this process, I’ve found unemployment to be a lonely game. Don’t get me wrong, I have support from friends and family all over the place–and I’m extremely grateful. But large portions of the day are just me, my phone and the computer, and I have to try and motivate myself every minute of everyday while trying to keep the denizens of depression away. It’s a tough battle, and one that, I’ll admit, I feel somewhat unprepared for.

That said, today did not provide any spectacular revelations or stunning job offers. It was simply a day where I sent out resumes, completed a few questionnaires, called a few friends and that was it. Hopefully, tomorrow, we’ll get a little bit more excitement. But even if that’s not the case, then all I can do is to keep trying. After all, when I give up is when I’ve lost.

Side note: Did get two suits today from Mr. Mac. They are great looking suits and I’m excited to wear them to my first interview. Hopefully, that won’t be too far in the future.

See you tomorrow!

Tales of the Unemployed – Day 1

My name is Andrew Parker. And I am unemployed.

The story so far…

About a month ago, I was offered a great job with a company (who shall remain nameless for the time being) to be their Senior Marketing Manager. It was a great opportunity with good pay and the chance for advancement. In order to take the job, I left a company that I had been with for over nine years. At the time, I thought it was a great move. After all, there wasn’t a great deal of advancement available to me and I had just finished my MBA. I was ready to move on and to break out and do something cool.

Sadly, only four weeks after I started at “the company” I was laid off because “the company” was in financial distress. Why they didn’t tell me this when they first hired me is anybody’s guess, but there is nothing that can be done about it now. Instead, all I’m left with is unfulfilled opportunity and a dire need to find a new job.

Being unemployed is a strange thing. I go from completely driven and hopeful, to worrisome and filled with downright terror in just a matter of moments. I have a good friend who told me to expect the roller coaster of emotions. I guess I just didn’t realize how roller-coastery they would be. After all, I’ve never been unemployed.

So, to help combat the roller coaster of emotions, I plan to do a short daily blog post about my unemployement activities. I’ll include some vital statistics, and a few thoughts on the day, but hopefully, this blog will give me an outlet for my myriad of emotions. Hopefully, it will also help me meet my goals.

So, for today, here is the statistical report:

Resumes sent out: 14
Networking phone calls made/emails sent: 17
Interviews: 0
Feelings of Inadequacy: 4
Feelings of hope: 3

See you all tomorrow.

A post? A post, you say?

I visited my blog this morning and came to a painful realization – I have posted three times in 2008. Mostly, I want to apologize to my dad and my sister (who I understand visit everyday with the yet unfulfilled hope of having an update…hope springs eternal I guess) and to everyone else who visits on a semi-regular basis, hopefully, you’ll come back and read once I start posting more.

I’ve made it a goal to do a blog post once a week to keep you up to date. I don’t know how this will work out or if I’ll even have stuff to say, but at any rate, it’s a goal and I’ll try to keep up with it.

I know that the excuse for not keeping a blog up to date is that “I have nothing to say” and truth be told, I think I fall into that category. I know that some people use their blog to simply say what’s on thier mind, regardless of what people think about them, and I’m just not like that. I don’t know what you call it (my mom says it’s my British Reserve) but I have a hard time sharing my feelings in a public forum. Mostly, I just want people to like me or be impressed with me which is why you see a lot of posts about my experiences with the choir. When I make a post, I imagine people saying “oooo!” and “ahhh!” and shaking their head in disbelief at the awesomeness of my life.  And, honestly, that’s what I want people to think.

However, as I’ve grown older, I’m starting to throw caution to the wind. Not in a carefree, hippy, free love sort of way, but more in a i-don’t-care-what-you-think way. Having this sensibility is strangely liberating. I also feel much more confident about myself and sure of who I am and what I think. I wonder if that comes from the fact that I’m not in school anymore and I have my degrees and my “preparation for life” is really over. Now, I’m more interested in actually living life rather than spending time preparing for what is to come.

If this post seems a little more rambling in nature than previous posts, it’s because I’m just trying to write stream of consciousness here. Hopefully, you’ll still think I’m awesome, regardless of what weirdness comes out of my brain – and believe me, there is weirdness to spare.

On an unrelated note, I’m looking for a new job. It’s not to say that I don’t like my current job (or the people I work with) but as I talk to many of my friends who graduated with their MBA, I find that I’m getting the proverbial kick in the head when it comes to pay. In addition, I did some research and found that, not only do I think I’m getting a kick in the head over salary, the internets and their more reputable sites like monster.com and salary.com actually have told me that I’m getting a kick in the head. So, yeah, I’m looking for a new job. If you know of a good one, please let me know. (Also, I understand that putting this information in a public forum is risky. The good news is that my blog is not known to my boss or anyone who would care at “The Company.” And yes, I’ll keep it that way.)

On yet another unrelated note, Angela is doing just fine (although school, and parents can drive her crazy…me too for that matter) but she seems to be very confident and sure of what she is doing at all times. It’s interesting for me to watch her work because she’s so dedicated to her students and spends much of her free time at home staring at her laptop either scanning music for playback or working out the details of her tour. When I’m lounging she’s working and yet still has enough strength to take care of Colin and me. Her capacity is truly inspiring.

Colin is doing fine. He’s growing, smiling and becoming a little boy quicker than I could have imagined. I’ll post pictures hopefully later.

Anyway, that’s it. Hopefully, I’ll have something more to say next week. Until then…

Colin Smiles

Isn’t this a great picture? Colin is about 7 weeks old here and already he’s starting to smile and recognize the people around him. Here, he’s looking at his mommy (of course) and smiling away. These days, he smiles quite a bit and is starting to recognize mom, dad, nana, grandpa and great nana and grandpa too.

But the thing that makes me smile, more than anything, is that Colin LOVES to talk to his daddy. We have long conversations (as long as you can have with a two-month-old) where we talk about everything from what’s on his mind and what he’s been dreaming about to how he feels about his food and his favorite movie of the summer so far (so you know, it’s Iron Man). It’s amazing to me that he’ll actually respond with some type of noise when I say something to him. He’ll smile or even try to express his thoughts. In fact, yesterday, he kept squeaking to get my attention so he could show me that he was trying very hard to put his finger in his mouth. When he finally did get it in there, we clapped and he smiled and smiled.

One of the things that amazes me about this whole father role is how connected I feel to Colin, as if I can tell what he’s thinking and what he wants. You always hear about parents who know what their child wants better than anyone, but I always figured that kind of connection came after the child had grown a bit more. With Colin and I, the connection wasn’t quite instant (after all, he was tired and so were Angela and I) but our connection has grown recently and it’s a lot of fun. I just hope we’re able to maintain that connection as we grow older.

On an unrelated side note: Hey! I made a blog post! I’ll try to be a bit more regular now that I have everything moved over to wordpress, but don’t expect a Catherine level of posting.

Colin the Confused

So, here he is, in all his confused glory! Actually, Colin and I were sitting on the couch one day and I simply wanted a fun picture for my cell phone wallpaper, and voila! Here it is. It gives me a chuckle, every single time I look at it.

More to come.

Originally uploaded by apmusicman

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Roxie the Formal

My dog is hilarious. As you can see, she’s sitting there on Angela’s lap with her front legs crossed acting very formal. After taking this picture, I asked if she wanted cream and sugar in her tea. She politely declined saying that she did not drink tea, but was grateful for the gesture. She then promptly jumped off the couch and began chasing her tail.

Ah, the mind of a dog. Simple, yet complex. Yet…simple.